Fairytale in Reality

I dun know.

2005-04-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

Long time since i pop back in huh? I don't really know if anyone even bother to take a look here anymore, lolz, and i don't really care. Have been really stressful really. Books, tests, exams are overwhealming. Thanks to the early exit of east zone (Not that i wanted that, mind you.) and early step down from several activities, i have been able to cope with the task at hand.
Only sad thing was that some people who i once called friend, turned their back against me. Lolz, should have known. Always made promises that we are brothers. How naive. Should have know since the last brush with love. I shouldn't have messed around with other people, i am a born loner.
Since i am a loner, i can only talk to all with this way of communication. This will be the some final words from me in this blog. Fairytale in reality? I guess it will never happen. May this be the end of this dearie blog of mine. Don't bother to check back guys, nothing new will ever show up, i promise you.
Bye.

Back...

2005-02-27T00:43:00.000+08:00

Wow, its been a long time since i pop back in. Not much change, still the same old fucking me. Sigh, how i wish there had at least been some changes. O'levels coming, there's only one JC which i can go to, and i am not telling now, lol...
Life's still tiring, or even more tiring nowadays. Everyday standard 3 hours of sleep, panda's eye start forming. Damn, i gotta hit more nourishment than usual.
And did i say there's this fuking guy in my class? Fucker, he is... Thought he is damn smart and good at everything, god, he is just an sparstic idiot. Lost to me in bball one on one, won him in almost every subjects, and he still thinks that he is superior to me. Wait till the day i get my O'level results, i will laugh and suan him like crazy. Let him know who's the man...

Unfair...

2005-01-16T13:51:00.000+08:00

This god damn world is so unfair. Why some people are blessed with everything while some are blessed with nothing? I got a fuck up parents, a fuck up body, a fuck up face and a fuck up life. if only, i were to have the brains of a genius, a body of a trilithon athelte, and a face that will lead me to stardom, i would not have any of this piss off life now. Mason got it, dennis got it, cassidy got it, and why THE FUCK I DON"T HAVE IT? FUCK YOU, THE GODS UP THERE! WHY DIDN"T YOU MAKE ME PERFECT? DAMN YOU! DAMN ALL OF YOU! FUCK!

Popped back in...

2005-01-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

Begining of the year again. Any new year resolutions? Hmm... I got really no idea what should i wish for. World peace? Nah, i am not that great in personality, so no no thank you. Year 2005, went to the fortune teller for fun. He told me he saw some blood disaster and i will have a relationship this year, haha, yeah right, go and die, haha. For 2005, i just hope that i have a peaceful year and get into national top 4 in vball, no girls no relationships nothing, don't wanna hope for that. Oh ya, also hope that i can buy Toto and got top prize, and only i got the top prize so i don't need to share the loot, haha. Then i will use the money to go for plastic surgery, Lasik, and buy lots and lots of things for myself. Haha, nice dream ain't it? Got looks, got money, got everything. I will be damn happy by then.

I cried...

2004-12-12T19:47:00.000+08:00

I found out something, no matter how strong a person is, he needs humongous strength to hold back just a drop of tear. I tried, but i failed terribly. Everyone is treating me like some loser. Yeah, maybe i am one, but please... Give me some respect that a basic living human deserves can? I beg for it, you hear me, i beg for it. I had enough. At school, outside, at wushu, at volleyball, many people thinks i am a fool. I beg to differ. I am no fool. Nothing makes me void of emotions that i hide so deeply and pretend to give a smile. Its like wearing a mask. Imagine, having to be happy when the unhappiness flows so freely under your heart, trying so hard to bury it somewhere in yourself. This pressure makes my tears break out just like a dam, flowing uncontrollable when the first drop left my soul windows. I let it wash my face, really hoping for a miricle to happen, changing my life, changing this world, changing me. Being Songyan is so tiring, just so damn tiring.

Afraid...

2004-12-02T22:59:00.000+08:00

Went to Zhen Hua today. Met with something i have never experienced before. Refreed Pungol Sec vs Bt. Panjung match. That is so damn unlucky. Both sides got damn fierce coaches, esspecially that Pungol coach, just because of one mistake and he slammed the ball right in front of my face. Wtf? You think i can see is it? Got Bt. Punjang people blocking my view lah, idiot... So what if its call wrongly? You think i like you arh? Shout shout shout shout, what, you want to compete your voice with Bt. Punjang coach is it? Damn you. Luckily Pungol people and Bt. Punjang players understood my plight, and said never mind. Stupid old man, cannot learn from your players is it? Shout shout shout, only make me more confused. Then got some balls on line, then you shout what outball lah... Think i blind is it? The bloody ball just next to me only you know? And wtf, you are standing so far away? Shit off lah, dumb ass. Later, one of the coach came to my rescue, think is the Chung Cheng girl's coach. He is really one nice guy! Thanks to him, the old man finally shut up. Then never mind, after that kept staring at me, like wanna swallow me up like that. But then, to say that time the atmosphere was really scary. Two coaches were bellowing at each other and me. Pungol girls were up the shouting shouting shouting. Damn. Its really damn scary.

Wide and awake...

2004-11-07T01:29:00.000+08:00

I love the way the day pass today. I woke up in the morning at 8 plus to have my last night uneaten dinner and visited the toilet. Walked back to my room, wanted to study. Sat down on the bed and *Bang* i was out cold again. Woke up again at 2.34pm, woke up by my radio clock, playing Du De Wei's Tuo Tiao... Ate my lunch, wanted to study, but sadly, history repeated itself. Then got woken up my my aunt, screaming into my ears, "GO WUSHU LE!!!" Look into the clock, 6.55pm. Sleeping the whole day is so relaxing. There is nothing to bother you, nothing to think about, nothing to worried about. Your mind is just so blank when you sleep, no wonder so many people take up sleeping as a hobby. Its just to appealing to stressful people. Guess i am going for it too, night...

Hate, hate, hate...

2004-10-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

That feeling got back, and its back stronger and meaner. Had to give in to that feeling, i just can't block it out. And i give up on trying to accomplish that.
I can't define that feeling. It just doesn't fit into any groups, like happy, sad, or angry. Its not jelousy either. But i just hate it when i see someone do something i can't do, esspecially when i put in much more effort than him. Pulled a hamstring, injured my back, sprained my wrist, and bloody hell i still can't do it. And he? Treat everything like fun and still manage somehow to do it. I just can't believe this is real, i am losing! Everything! in every aspect! Can't take it anymore. This world is unfair, i know. This is life? Then it sucks. This is the way things work out? I rather leave everything unsolved. This is what happens to a loser? I wouldn't be one anymore.

Exams Are Officially Over...

2004-10-15T15:11:00.000+08:00

Exams are finally officially over, hope that can get some good results this time. These few days was with Lin Shen and Roderick. Sigh, those two are really good friends. Over this few days my perception of life change le, i got enough of losing, i decided i had enough of people laughing at me, mocking me behind my back. Had a plan, i am going to make those people regret, i am. For this plan i have to start saving for now, cause the whole project will cost me about $48 000. However, its still worth the cost, it brings back a new me, and i will do it. Cause i will not lose.

Back...

2004-10-09T22:40:00.000+08:00

Its been some time since i logged in, had been messing my life up with textbooks and ten-year-series. Exams had already past by 5 days, 3 more to go next week. Can't give myself any excuses to slack and rest. Everyday have to stay up till 2pm, aunt said that i am just torturing myself, but then, i love it. Don't ask me why, it just sounds nice to torture myself. Maybe, maybe i am going crazy, after so much things happened, yeah, that has to be it. Just don't ask me why.
Met K today on the bus, what coincidence. Can't help, the world is just too damn small. He said that i am so different now from then. I just laughed. What a joke, how can i be not different. He added that i became more pesimistic. Hey bro, its not call pesimistic, its call facing the damn hard metal cold truth. The truth always hurts me, but not the others. They always seems to be able to gain something by hurting me. The people are unfair, the world is unfair, the gods up there are unfair. To me. What a sin it is to have me on this world. And i have to bear full brace of this sin. What a joke. Like the old wise saying, "Life is nothing but a dream.". My is a nightmare.

Fuck it, get out of mine life, please?

2004-09-24T15:41:00.000+08:00

People out there, cherish your mother please. Why? Cause you don't really understand the life under a bitch. (Its the most polite term i can think of to describe her.) Reached home from school, feeling very very downed. Already felt very pressurised, and after this freaking long day, the moment i reached home was to hear that bitch shouting at my brother. At that moment i still could tolerate her, so i went on to bathe, eat, then study. Until that moment. That bitch asked my brother to get a assesment from my room and he, although unwillingly, obeyed. While finding for his assesment, bitch Felis Cheng Oi Sim shouted at him, asking what the fuck was he doing in the room. I exploded.
"You asked him to bring out his assesment and he is doing what he is told, so what are you shouting for?" I spoked, still in a calm voice, trying to control my anger.
"I where got shout? Anyway what has that to do with you? Its none of your business!" She shouted at me saying that she never FUKING shouted at my brother. Which she did, the whole family can witness that.
"Oh yeah? You don't need to SHOUT at me, OK? I was just trying to explain!"
"ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"
"OK! FINE! THATS WHY I HATED YOU ALL THE WHILE! YOU ARE JUST SO FREAKING STUBBORN!"
To this second, i got so angered that i took my book, going outside to study. While i was going to go out, she still wanted to argue with me. Yah, when she was in the fault. Cannot take it anymore. Retorted her, she stoned down there, knowing that she cannot win this arguement. Then she shouted at me to get out of the house. Fine! You wanted me to get out right? Fuck off, i will! Then i slammed the door and left. Look, is it so fortunate to get this kind of bitch for mother? Stubborn, never thinks that she is wrong, i hope she can go and die. Fuck off Felis Cheng. Go! Get out of mine life! Without you, i will live better! FUKING BITCH!
Never cried that night, cause told myself that i will never cry, again. Never. Controlled my tears, really, it takes alot of strength to control them... But then i think i already becomed more strong-willed. God is just so unfair. I can't get everything i want, everything. Everyone just wanna snatched them away from me. Don't know why. I am denied to everything i wanted. Today, last night, the day before, each day with different things blocked away from me. Cannot take it anymore... At least with this typed out, my heart felt a little better...

Sastified...

2004-09-19T13:04:00.000+08:00

Went out to play badminton today with Kelvin, Cteng and Jie Yang at west CC there. Saw her today, at the interchange. She really slimmed down alot and she was with that good friend of hers. Don't know if she saw me but i think she might have, cause when i turned over to look at her that time, she immediatly turned and walked away. After the badminton thing, saw Siad they all at interchange also, doing CIP. We then went to HDB hub there and makan, luckily got open, or else i will really cry there sia... After eating, i also dunno can go where, so Cteng asked if wanna go her house seat seat with Jie Yang and Kelvin. So we went there and then for the first time i saw Nicholas. He is REALLY damn irritating!!! Keep on asking me and jie yang to play that lame tv games with him... Don't know why, he is so different from Cteng and Ah Tiam, lol. Later went down to the 5'o clock session, because nothing to do at home. Helped out a little bit here and there. Saw Zhen An, looking damn damn shagged out. Poor thing, thats the price you need to pay for getting a good results for O' Level. Work on man, strive for the best you can do... Oh yah. and i can do the Ce Kong Fan already! Wohoo! I also didn't know what happened actually, just went on to try it and the next moment i know i did it. The feeling was so wonderful, after acheiving what you always wanted to do. Lets hope i can also have this feeling for mine upcoming SA2 ba...

Not Happy...

2004-09-17T21:00:00.000+08:00

Never blog for few days le, because too busy with homework and upcoming SA2. Gotta work hard, i am not going to be the loser i was anymore. After school today, met Lin Shen and went to Parkway. Never eat any lunch because wanna save money, so brought a 2 bucks loaf of bread to chew on. Then later Lin Shen said he wanna play pool, so he went and play, leaving me alone. Went around Parkway, going around to see basketball shoes, but then fiind myself wanna buy alot of things again... Saw this red I3 bag, damn nice, $39. Got an interest on a skateboard i saw, wanna replace the one i have at home, $49.90. Saw this Nike bball jersey on sale, $25, wanna buy two. After all these shopping, something really sad happen. Don't really wanna talk about it here, but then just to say that guys, sorry that i talked to you all like that, but i really can't control mine emotions then. Really sorry.

Shagged Out...

2004-09-12T20:08:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 8 today, kind of early for a sunday. Force myself to go and wash up, then went for breakfeast. At around 11 like that, went to opposite block of FTP to meet up with yu ling jie, then went to South CC for badminton. But then the court is FULL! Damn it, neer had so suai before. I think the whole world really have something against me... Then went to centre to meet Cteng and Kelvin. Again, found out that Centre CC is also FULL! Wth. In the end, decided to try our luck at West CC. Luckily got one court left. Went to that court and play. Got thrashed by Cteng and Yu Ling combo. Oh man, i still sucks at badminton. No wonder i hate it so much. Everything ends at about 1, then we headed for HDB Hub for lunch. And what? Bloody HDB Hub food court close. Cannot tahan anymore, really, the whole world has something against me. Walk here walk there, then decided on eating at a nearby coffee shop. Finished eating le, and so coincidently saw Lee Lao Shi. Wanted to lom pang his car one, but then he say too many people le, so cannot... Sigh, don't want to let me take his car say lar, so much excuses. Then went for training lor, everything still ok ba. But then, mine thigh really HURTS like crazy, dunno why also. So sad... After whole training ended, shi jie see mine name not on duty list and really so suai, kanna need to do duty. Have to do all those cleaning up and the mopping of floor. So sian can? After that played badminton for a while more then walk home slowly. End of day.

I Hate Me...

2004-09-11T01:30:00.000+08:00

Got to talk to Yi Zhe... He commented that i am a very very emotional person, which i think, is the truth. He said that every little things can anger me, also the truth. He said that place too much importance on winning, which is the damn fucking truth too... I also don't understand why. I got two loser parents, who gave birth to this loser son whom like winning soooo much. I just can't help it. I wasn't like this in primary school. I was almost last in everything, in terms of sports or acedemic. I just couldn't give a damn about it. When i came to secondary school, i got this luck, or should i say misfortune, to experience the wonderful sensation of winning. And i was captivated. I didn't want to lose this beautiful feeling, i just want to own it, to mine own only. I love victories, the ability to look at all your opponents with much pride, the ability to let others envy me, the ability to do everything others can't do. I told mineself, i can't lose, i will not accept lose, only win. Because only that way, people will give you the respect. And i just love that. However, i am trapped in this stupid body call Songyan. This guy is a born loser. No looks, no talents, no brains, no high intelligence. Why? Why on earth god has to punish me by making me be Songyan? Some other people can just have everything, but not Songyan. He just sucks at everything he do.
Went for wushu training today, Zhen An was really on fire. Everyone was clapping for him, i was quite happy for him too. But then in came the real personality. I felt this change in emotion, as though mine whole character has changed. I start to hate him, hate him for being better than me, hate him for grabbinng everyone's attention. I am really ashame, why one earth do i have this kind of thinking? Zhen An is such a good friend, to be more precise, he is one of mine best friend. I can't take it anymore, i reached home, and i cried. I have never felt so lost before. I really hate being me...

Night...

2004-09-09T22:17:00.000+08:00

Alone at home, whole family at chalet there having their own time of enjoyment. Me? Feeling so peaceful now, got no one to bother me. Went out for dinner just now at Bishan coffee shop, after that went to Junction 8 for a little leisure walk. Saw so much things i wanted to buy that i compiled a to buy list. 1. Elson MP3 Player-$295. 2.Digital Camera(Forgot what brand le...)-$187. 3. 2 Billabong shirts-$29.90 each. 4. Nike bag-$98. Haha, all so ex, must start saving money le. Asked Andi if that magic shop is hiring part time shop keeper but then he so long haven't reply. Must be going out with some girl again...

Back From Chalet...

2004-09-09T13:43:00.000+08:00

Just reached home, returning from the chalet. Really had much fun down there on the first night, with Andi, Bowen and rest... Bowen's bbq skill really sucks to the core, lol. Everything he bbq all become charcoal one, and still insisted on bbqing more. In the end, everyone have to help him to finish those "charcoal". Then in the late night, only Shu De, Tie Fu, Andi and Gary stayed. The whole night was a confession night, with everyone saying the little secrets of their own. Of all the secrets, i think Gary's was the most exciting arh! Haha, but then cannot say out, have to keep it confidential or else he will kill me. Kept on messaging her, first time i use 118 sms in just two days! No wonder people use words as Love is crazy, now i know it is really true. But then she never reply the messages i sent today, wondered what happened and feeling a little bit worried. Hope nothing happens to her...

Feeling This Weird Feeling...

2004-09-07T09:38:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 8, first thing i do is to check mine hp, half hoping that she messaged me. But then don't have, mine heart seems to sink down in dissapointment. Never had this kind of feelings before. Hope this whole thing doesn't end up badly...

Continued later...

I Think I Am In .....

2004-09-06T13:02:00.000+08:00

Went onto friendster today, added a girl to the mine MSN messenger. On the first look on her pic, mine heart got this very very funny feeling. I think i am in love. Talked to her, she is a very cute girl. Vball also, think is a old friend of Bowen and she also know Wei Yeow. Chatted very long with her, sounds like a very quiet girl to me. Haha, don't know ba, maybe she just looked too alike to her. Can't help but having this affection to her. I just can't help but fall in love with her...

Finally, A Day I Can Say I Am Happy...

2004-09-05T14:06:00.000+08:00

Went for wushu training last night, Lee Lao Shi let me change from Nan Quan to Chang Quan and Dao. At last, waited for this day for so long... Not that i don't like Nan Quan but it really isn't the thing for me. For one, i don't really have the stability a Nan Quan practicioner should have. Second, i don't have the body built and stamina for the Nan Quan routine. Started learning Dao last night, kind of nice, the routine. Somemore, Lee Lao Shi said that if i can do a complete split, he would teach me the new routine Chang Quan. Oh man, i am going to stretch mine legs everyday from now onwards until i can do the split. For all i can say, this is the only day i can say that i am truly truly happy...

Scared, Confused, Do Not Know What To Do...

2004-09-03T17:58:00.000+08:00

Got back mine report card. Results really like shit, cannot take it. Tried so hard yet produced such crap results, really, i think god up there really finding fault with me. Who ever said that you reap what you sow? I am never gonna believe that anymore. Worst still, i don't know if i am going to let mine parents sign the card tonight. I am not afraid of the scoldings they will deal out, but i am scared that they might just start to quarrel again like last time. I just want some peace at home. Sometimes its just so pressurising to study because of parents, i really do not want to go home. Home should be a place where all people yearn to go after a day of tiring work, but how come its not the same in mine case? Go home only to see that both of them quarrelling only. I have really lost faith in everything i once believe for. I just want to have a normal kid's life, is that really that hard? Is it too much to ask for? Really can't take it, anymore...

Tired, Really Tired...

2004-08-31T20:36:00.000+08:00

Went to school today with an outfit i thought of last night. Wore a sleeveless top and a 3/4 pants. Had a dark blue tie over the top and decorated with mine favourite eagle chain. Oh yah, spiked mine hair with Gatsby wax too. Looked really like porcupine. Then sprayed white dye over mine hair, haha, looked quite cool actually. Stepped into school at bout 7.10, and everyone looked at me as though i am from outer space. Alot ppl said that i copying Avril. Haha, maybe ba. But then, its really thought out of by mineself... After the whole concert, (Good job guys! U rocks!), went back to poi ching. Saw the twins at bball court play bball. Haha, still so lan... Then played 5 on 5 with poi ching bball team. Got this little guy dribbling damn good, not to mention that his style of playing is a little like Allen Iverson. Got future this guy. But then the center was really sucky... Dunno how to box out still want to be center, aiyo... Played until like 5 plus go home. Too tired le, cannot talk much... Wanna sleep.

At Least Not Such A Sad Day

2004-08-30T22:00:00.000+08:00

Went to school, spent some SERIOUS time in the classes. For the first time i ever pay attention in class and also the first time i ever find A-Maths interesting. Then, found out that there is this Be Yourself Day tomorrow. Paid 2 bucks just to be mineself, great... Gotta think of something to wear. Ah crap, i am just gonna wear home clothes to school. So boring. I think i am just going to school tomorrow to sleep only... Maybe after the teacher's day celebration, may go back to Poi Ching with Wei Qiang. Can't wait to see Miss Phua, heard that she got this barbie doll hair style. Oh man, can imagine her face with that hair style. Yucks!

Tired, very tired...

2004-08-29T18:36:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 12, new record. Found out there was no one at home. Mum went to grandmother's place and Dad went to friend's pub. That bitch also never buy any breakfeast for me... Sigh, is that how you treat a son? Now you know why i hate her so much. Forget it, don't spoil mine day by talking bout her. At around afternoon, went out and met Kelvin at tpy mac. Talk alot of cock until bout 2 then went to play bball. Not bad, at least found mine touch back. Then when everything ended, i went crazy again. Don't know why also. Went to Bishan and start mine 8 km run. I must be really crazy. In the end, ended up having to crawl home, literally. Reached home, dead tired, hit the bath room, on the aircon, updatre mine blog, and now going to sleep.

I Am Going To Explode...

2004-08-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

Today went out with jie and her friends after school, then went home and slack. Accidentally found young time photos... Seriously, i think i am deprived of mine childhood, no joke. Let me ask you, when you are in Pri 3, do you get so nervous about a test tomorrow that you cannot even sleep? Do you reach home, take a bath, and the remaining time was studying in your pri 2 days? I had all these totures, thanks to mine mom, that bitch. Always want to stand in mine way of doing things and freedom. No to everything, no enjoyment, nothing... I can't help but to think that she is a sedistic person. Just because she didn't get to enjoy in her childhood doesn't mean that i have to suffer that way right? Somemore she is a crazy woman! You don't know how many times i got caned by her just because mine results are not up to her VERY high standard when i am young... Furthermore, last night, just because mine younger brother didn't know how to do some sums, she tried to whip him with a belt. I cannot stand it anymore so before she can do anything, i snatched it from her and call her to stop being crazy. Why do i have all the luck in the world to get all kinds of misfourtune...

National Wushu Competition...

2004-08-22T19:09:00.000+08:00

Had mine competition today, competed in Nan Quan routine and got 6th out of 13, not bad for a first timer... Also hit mine own expectation but really damn suay, morning went to the stadium then realised forgot to bring number tag. Lucky got Cteng there or else... Then just before the competition got this stomach ache, went to toilet two times. After this felt a bit hungry, so went to KFC to grab a bite, but then the man wouldn't let me bring the food into the stadium, damn it... Have to eat everything outside the stadium, a cup of coke, a cup of milo, two mushroom burgers and one large mash potatoes, all finished in 10 minutes. Then during mine routine that time more suay lorh... Do half-way leg cramp sia, lucky the judges never notice mine slight limp in the leg or else i think cannot even get into top 10.

In Computer Lab, Watching Life Ticks By...

2004-08-19T11:58:00.000+08:00

Sitting in the computer lab, with zong rong harassing me on mine left side, I am feeling so damn bored and fucked up. Can see Cassidy blogging too and is Dennis blogging too? Teacher stupid stupid sitting in front, thought we all are guai hai zi, searching for some sacred places in India... Really very sian. Pravind keep on walking around showing off his "got-jacked" pictures. Me? Mind full of sunday's competition. Five national team competitors, FIVE NATIONAL TEAM! Hope some miricle happens arh, or else i think i cannot even get a 8.4 score. Hope that day don't mess up anything, then at least still got chance... Sian, got to stop liao, people keep on staring at mine computer screen...

Tiring...

2004-08-15T20:06:00.000+08:00

Went for training today, back still hurting like shit. Eveytime do flip will also pain like crazy, damn scared. Because competition is like just one week away, somemore mine catagory is like so many national team people... Don't care anymore, got to whack already. Back pain let it pain ba, i want to get at least a medal, although a little unrealistic. But hey, you never know if miricle might happen right?

Normal Day, With A Little Blue...

2004-08-13T15:34:00.000+08:00

Its just a day where mine life got wasted in school. Wasting how much seconds, minutes, hours... Great, mine life is just ticking away while the pendulum swings.
After school, went to hang out at the regular place. Feeling damn cooped up... First time i sat down for 3 hours, watching people streaming past. This made me wonder that if the world would be the same if i do not exist anymore. Really interested to find out... I guess the world would still continue to spin, with or without me, except that there will not be a Chow Songyan, a number 7 open spiker in VS, a rebellious son in the Chow family, a trouble maker in this world. Isn't that good? One less burden for everyone... Sounds great.

A New Regconization Of Mineself...

2004-08-12T17:17:00.000+08:00

Until last night, i thought that i am a very strong-willed person who do not bow to any difficulty. But how wrong i was. Just because of that little speech she gave unintentionally, i got so upset. So upset that i spend the whole day lying on the bed, not wanting to do anything else. And i cried. For the first time that i have cried since Primary 3. I just felt so pressurised, i am just gonna explode. Can't really believe it... I stayed up the whole night to ask mineself why do i feel this way? This weakling feeling. And i at last got the answer. I am a weak guy. I try to act tough, trying to be as tough as possible. It is just like putting on a false expression, acting happy when i am not happy, remaining calm when i actually wanted to sream mine head off. I can't take it anymore, i don't wanna out up any act anymore. I just want to be mineself, the person who i really am. But i am afraid. Just too afraid of letting other people seeing the weak side of me. Sigh... Forget it, i think i am going to sleep...

Wohoo!!!!!

2004-08-10T11:15:00.000+08:00

Hey, guess what? Dad is gonna get a HANDPHONE FOR ME TODAY! Wohoo! What good luck man... Da Nan Bu Shi, Bi You Hou Fu! Happy happy... Saw the handphone liao, an Lg model, don't know what model is it, but still very happy. I very easy contented one, got handphone i happy liao.
But then, i still got this threat leh... I got marked by this Tae Kwan Do 5th dan black-red belt guy call Edward or something like that. Said that he will wait outside mine school gate, i a little bit the scared. But if a fight is what he wants, he will get more than a fight from me... I wouldn't do this the uncivilised manner. I think he don't know that Marine Parade Police Station is just beside mine school, hehe... Furthermore, there is this good "friend" of mine who is an ex-police camping in mine school. Good for him, at last something for him to do. Always camp in the office only, then every month collect like so much salary. Ok lah, said too much liao, got to go and study liao, CA just tommorrow...

New Face...

2004-08-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

Haha, new face, new style, what do you think of it? I love the show man... Crap, i have just gotten through another challenge of mine life... I cannot take it. There is this guilt that keeps linger inside mine heart. This doesn't feels good at all, DOESN'T FEEL GOOD AT ALL!!!!! Why am i like this? Too weak in the heart. Sigh, cannot take it anymore, i got to go and sleep liao... Hope tommorrow wake up and realise that its all a bad dream...

2004-07-24T11:31:00.000+08:00

Crap sia... Got cheated into an exchange program, with so China school... Wads tt school call? Bao Ding i think... Got paired up with a buck teeth, thick glass, typical nerd girl... Feel like vomiting everytime i see her... Somemore her name also damn er xin, call Ruby sia... Wth, this is crazy sia... Then today bought them around Parkway, and hell, they sure can walk! Can walk from 1 plus to 6 plus, dun need to stop and rest one, crazy can... Furthermore, got pung seh by mine friends, all leave their china patners to me. One man take on 4 girls leh, plus all so er xin 1... Tis is hell sia... Wah, notebook no battery liao, got to stop here...

2004-07-18T00:02:00.000+08:00

Hihi, long time never update mine blog, so sorry... Lately got very busy with school work and other stuff. Hmm... Got what new things to update on... Oh yah, i just change mine position from Libero to Open spiker, wohoo! So you cannot laugh at me anymore Edmund! Muahahaha... But also very sad because i in the end never get mine hp... How can he just forget bout such an important thing? Cannot understand... Now everytime hear a hp ringtone mine heart burns... Nvm... Look forward to brighter things, at least mine hardwork reaped its reward... And somemore that day Mr Yap say i am VS new "weapon", wah, so happy.... If i can get that someone i will be more happy...

2004-06-27T00:17:00.000+08:00

A damn damn fuck up day... Had an arguement with mine mom, that fucking bitch... Raised her voice at me just because for a pair of socks, i had the fucking hell enough man... Tolerated her for a whole fucking 15 years, whats her problem? Scolding me for every little mistake i make, im getting more and more fuck up by her scoldings... And i blew it today, literally... I overturned the coffee table and shouted the F word and the called her a bitch... She wanted to slap me but i left the house just before she can raise her fucking hand... She dare to slap me? I wanted to slap her instead to knock some good sense into her? What the hell is she? Not even a university graduate, yet thinks that she is right at every fucking bastard thing... Cannot tolerate her anymore, given the chance i will run away from mine whole fucking family...

2004-06-20T19:19:00.000+08:00

Darn darn tired... When for training today, did just 3 routines, but also don't know why the hell am i so bloody tired. Something is definitely wrong with me today. Just hitting the second half of mine first routine i am already so tired liao lorh... This cannot be me!!! Damn scared leh... Teacher looking at me, i also don't know if he still want to let me compete not... I have waited for almost 3 years for this chance and i am definitely not going to give this up easily, NO way i am! Never mind, i am going to give mine best the next training...

2004-06-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

So damn tired... This holiday arh, like no holiday like that, everyday must either go back to school for training or competition... Sigh... Then sian sian de walk, or should i say float around, Juntion 8 for the whole afternoon... Went to play bball later, luckily nv get slap again, although the girl is there (does it mean that mine bad luck is running out?)... Arh, SIAN ARH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-06-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

Sigh, lost to Hai Sing 2-0, again... What the hell, i have already performed to mine max liao leh, stupid team mates like don't want to win like tt... I am getting a little fustrated by the streak of lost to Hai Sing... Sian... What to do, always stuck with this kind of team mates, just mine luck... Speaking of luck, i just remember i have been down on it lately... Play basketball kanna slapped by girls, go jogging sprained mine ankle, walk on the street nearly got knocked down by a over-speeding car... I wonder what's next...

2004-06-13T19:04:00.000+08:00

Haha, next match vs Anderson, its revenge time.... Oh yah, forgot to post this song, its damn damn nice, go and listen it at MSN Entertainment section.

Maroon 5 - This Love

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

Quite sad, talk to her but she never reply, don't know whats wrong, sigh... Sleepy liao, don't wanna talk anymore...

2004-06-11T00:16:00.000+08:00

Linkin Park-Somewhere I Belong

(When this began)
I had nothin' to say,
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me,
(I was confused)
And I'd let it all out to find,
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind,
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed,
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel,
(Nothin' to lose)
Just stuck,
Hollow and alone,
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
What I thought was never real,
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long,
(Erase all the pain 'til it's gone)
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
Like I am close to something real,
I wanna find something I've wanted all along,
Somewhere I Belong,

And I've got nothin' to say,
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face,
(I was confused)
Lookin' everywhere,
Only to find that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind,
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity,
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is lookin' at me,
(Nothin' to lose)
Nothin' to gain,
Hollow and alone,
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
What I thought was never real,
I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long
(Erase all the pain 'till it's gone)
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
Like I am close to something real,
I wanna find something I wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong

I will never know,
Myself until I do this on my own,
And I will never feel,
Anything else, until my wounds are healed,
I will never be,
Anything 'til I break away from me,
And I will break away,
I'll find myself today,

I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
What I thought was never real,
I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long,
(Erase all the pain 'till it's gone)
I wanna heal,
I wanna feel,
Like I am close to something real,
I wanna find something I wanted all along,
Somewhere I Belong

I wanna heal,
I wanna feel like I'm
Somewhere I Belong

I wanna heal,
I wanna feel like I'm
Somewhere I Belong

Somewhere I Belong
[

2004-06-10T11:12:00.000+08:00

Latest: VSVB has just won it's first match at the Under-16 youth cup against Gimh Moh Sec with the result of 2-0. Woo hoo! *Happy happy* Never expect such a easy win today, but nevertheless, we still performed very very well and i made 18 saves today, OH YES! Winning never felt so good before... Next match will be against St. Hildas, the current National champion. I promise, i would never let the ball even touch the ground for once. So what if they are 1.8 meter plus? I don't give a damn... But today also quite sad, saw somebody and the old wounds are again "ripped" apart. Just hope that i do not see the person there tommorrow...

2004-06-07T08:57:00.000+08:00

Sian... Woke up so early don't know for what... Lie down on the bed looking at the celling for more than a hour... Skipped training today, acted sick, really too tired to do anything... Hope i can regain mine stamina before 9th of June, sigh... Feeling so damn burnt out now...

~~~~~

2004-06-06T10:36:00.000+08:00

So, here i am, mine first day at blogging... Blogging actually looks quite dumb to me but just for the sake of fun, i am going to take a shot at it... Sian day, have training later and some "ppl" not going, sian, thought that can see her there...

Hell, the training was damn damn tough... 8 full nan quan routine, the feeling is worst than running a 4.8km under 25 minutes. But never mind, at least still get the chance to compete in the Nationals. This has been the chance i have always been looking for! Good, i would never let this chance to slip past me again, NEVER again!!! I would prove to those who looked down on me who i really am...

~~Fairytale in Reality~~

I dun know.

Back...

Unfair...

Popped back in...

I cried...

Afraid...

Wide and awake...

Hate, hate, hate...

Exams Are Officially Over...

Back...

Fuck it, get out of mine life, please?

Sastified...

Not Happy...

Shagged Out...

I Hate Me...

Night...

Back From Chalet...

Feeling This Weird Feeling...

I Think I Am In .....

Finally, A Day I Can Say I Am Happy...

Scared, Confused, Do Not Know What To Do...

Tired, Really Tired...

At Least Not Such A Sad Day

Tired, very tired...

I Am Going To Explode...

National Wushu Competition...

In Computer Lab, Watching Life Ticks By...

Tiring...

Normal Day, With A Little Blue...

A New Regconization Of Mineself...

Wohoo!!!!!

New Face...

~~~~~

Fairytale in Reality